mslovely101

Well I am still a little saddened by the recent breakup of me and my boyfriend. We just could not make things work and there was too much arguing going on. I just got tired of always being blamed for everything that went sour in the relationship. I was a good woman to him and I feel that he could have been more mature and responsible. I think that he could have been man enough to apologize instead of arguing like he was a saint and I was a demon. I am not a bad person. I am a good-hearted and kind person that tried to treat him like a king. Now I feel used and played like a fool. I feel like he doesn’t care if he makes me cry or not. I have been so upset, depressed, and stressed that I have hardly been eating. As a result, I have lost some weight in these past few days. Maybe I was wrong for not trusting him but, how can you trust a man that has cheated on you a few times with women that live in your area. I did trust him though until he made me think otherwise. I got suspicious about a few times he came home late and said he was waiting on a friend. I felt that something was wrong and out of the normal behavior. I used to check his cell phone which is how I found out about his past cheating escapades. Now I no longer check his phone because it is new and more advanced. Plus, I wanted to show him that I was trusting him to do the right thing. now I feel like all of my efforts have been in vain. I cooked, cleaned, and gave him pleasure whenever he wanted. What else can a man possibly want? I tried to listen to him and be a friend when he needed me. I tried to show him that I was there for him. Now he doesn’t think he needs to earn my trust and said that I should already trust him. It is hard to trust someone who can not keep their story or explanations together. Even when we are arguing he can not stay on subject and constantly contradicts himself.

I tried to drink and have fun with my friends in order to forget my pain and it was working for a minute. Until he sent me some apology messages in Yahoo Instant Messenger. He sent me messages saying that he loved me and that he didn’t want to make me upset. I felt so bad for him so instantly that I should have had “idiot” written across my forehead. I feel even stupider now because I responded to his messages but, now there is no response from him.

Now I feel like he is dissing me and saying to hell with her . I feel like he is probably playing me right now and is with another woman this very instant. Sometimes I feel so helpless and tired of being hurt. Every time I think that he is going to be more of what I expect, he just disappoints me to the fullest. He is not romantic and has admitted to not being very affectionate. I know that he is not perfect and neither am I but, how hard can it be to give a gal the simple joys in life. A romantic kiss….Holding hands in the street…..hugging up on the train….and just making me laugh. Things used to be so sweet between us and I am not sure how things fell down to this level. I love him and still miss him. I would have almost had his baby but, an unfortunate miscarriage took that away. I have been through a lot with him and for him to not want to save this relationship as a man….I am heartbroken.